Royal Lochnagar Distillery, Scotland     founded: 1845 | active
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Fruity aromas dominated the nasal battlefront: peach, juniper, cooking apples, apple crumble and stewed fruit formed the basis of the cavalry, but links were forged with higher-ranking officers to strengthen the force: calvados with cognac, lemon mints and tutti fruttis with sweetness and honey. The UN had to be called in when the Fruity Dragoon Guards started using acetone, instead replacing its usage with cinnamon to fend off intruders. Grass wafted in, and turned to sweet hay, just as (raw) sour mash breezed through, soon to be replaced with the finished product.

The Fruity Dragoons have seen some shit: what started as innocent zest is now an emotional piquancy: Apple Sourz (in a good way), white grape juice, brandy, (poached) pear, fennel seeds, cloves. Sweeter members have been allowed to join the troops: a cherry bakewell, toffee apples and toffee popcorn - they come with their own weaponry too: pear drops and a sherbet fountain! You need a good source of oak to support such heavy artillery, and obviously some almond essence for, uhhh, 'medical reasons'. One person piped up with "that's nice, that's delicious!", somewhat trivialising the horrors of war.

Most people felt this had a medium finish (20 yards out?), which kinda means a short finish as no one ever says short, except the people who said short and one who sat on the fence so much we creosoted her, saying 'short-to-medium-to-long'. One wag (in the droll, not doll, sense) went for 'NOT VERY LONG', which summed it all up in just 3 words. The Dragoons are still here, but the sad memories are fading: citrusy, kirch cherry chocolate. They're replaced with chili, salted caramel, salty licorice and 'fresh-n-salty': pretty salty then. And finally, if it were to be summed up by a film title: The Ghosts of Peanuts Past: Peanut's Revisited.

We then let our minds dance and our inner thoughts flow, describing the experience as a whole: stardust, '3 films in one', sky lightning (?), scholarly and grizzly/polar bear. Hope that helps. The last drops also went well in a morning Irish coffee..

~£35 (70cl)

Master of Malt: Royal Lochnagar 12yo   |   http://www.masterofmalt.com/whiskies/royal-lo

We've always scored out of 10 in our group (see number in red box, below), with scores regularly given across that spectrum. The value out of 100 below is adjusted to the scale most commonly used for whisky reviews, to allow for better comparison.

77 / 100