Solvents and synthetic fruit flavours but also mulled wine and Turkish Delight. Like you know it’s gonna be good, but really bad for you. Pear and almond tart hanging off a beech hedge over a sea cliff. Tasty treats and lethal peril. Oooh what’s that – hmm boiled sweet that’s been lying in the sun for a week. Hmmm.

I think I’ll have the honey, mint and orange peel salad, with lime pickle on the side. And the dark-chocolate butterscotch banana split for pudding. There’s freshly cut-grass and car tyres on the menu too. That vinaigrette made me really sad I had the salad.

We’re trying to think of something… mints? Pickled onions? Jambalaya? The solo from The Final Countdown by Europe? The problem is it just ain’t corn whisky!

~£30 (70cl)

We've always scored out of 10 in our group (see number in red box, below), with scores regularly given across that spectrum. The value out of 100 below is adjusted to the scale most commonly used for whisky reviews, to allow for better comparison.

68 / 100