The only nose we recorded was 'not much of a nose', so I guess this didn't have much of a nose. Feel like there was a lack of the typical corny-graininess (in a good way), but can't be 100% sure!

Sour like green apples and the last salty vinegar strokes of a final fatal asphyxiwank, in a flat meticulously cleaned in preparation for said act, mingled with the tang of the lemon that he failed to bite down upon at the crucial moment (every day’s a school day!). ...

The nosings spread out a little bit into a plethora of nature's best offerings: plants and herbs (oniony fennel, coriander leaves, licorice and coffee), more tangy offerings (orange zest, aniseed, paprika and pepper) and some nice locations (a pebble beach with a fire, The W...

Upon savouring, it’s a wet monkey rolling around in treacle and elderflower winning a watch in a raffle and wait, what’s this? yep, it’s political uncertainty and pineapple – who’d have thunk it?

Pepper spray and chilis start the emergency, with burnt sugared-apple and burnt birch bark hampering the rescue efforts - once inside, the air is still tingly and a smell of vinegar lingers.

This does justice to soothing the remnants of last night’s spontaneous soiree. An interesting mix of cider, sherry and apple sourz chasers served with green olives.

Things get pretty savoury - toast with English mustard, watercress, paprika, raw onion and crisp-baked tatties. The leather on the nose expands into fusty linen, rubber and cowboy boots.

On the way, a whale has carelessly left its blubber to filter up the nose, perhaps helping to fertilise the landscape, as first nettles and then geraniums flourish.

There's now a herby, bitter sourness and Aquavit is the new alcohol metaphor, with toothpaste and dentist's mouthwash taking on the clinical mantle.

Zimbabwean mint & lamb crisps take us in an unusual direction before we're redirected to herbs and freshly cut grass. Roast pork and yoghurt sounds like a tasty dish, but it's all washed down with evil gingerbread!

Like cruising through city streets in the summer (verging on the edge of regret) the taste of warm tar and worn leather merges with a strong theme of burnt food: sugar, soda bread and toast with marmalade.

A little heavy on dessert but we'll catch a salty mackerel and sit on summer straw bails to eat it before washing with coal tar soap.

In a sort of mad festive disaster, the Christmas pudding meets glue and hot tyres on a Formula 1 track, whilst the Quality Street get covered in coffee cream and lavender.

Islay isn't particularly famous for its cake, but that might be as they've put all their useful ingredients into the nose of this peaty offering: cinnamon, prunes, lots of marzipan, almonds, vanilla, apples and Christmas itself.

Apple strudel. Superglue. Molten syrup. Ail varnish remover, games workshop's own-branded superglue

Your tongue tingles with this one - imagine grating black pepper onto your tongue, or as one put it, 'ant blood'.

It's like waking up to some horrific morning after a party - a salty Ginster's pasty, charcoal, post vomit mouthwash, Andrew's salts, flat coke and something undefinable mushy and unpleasant.

Yeah it's woody, it's the painful nectar of the gods, it's glacier mints, black jacks, fig rolls, and crunchie bars.

Cigar lounge whisky, Gary Lineker's Sex Face (potential for a band name right there) and metallic (but not Metallica).

More creaminess. Shortbread. Oh yes, a classic HP. Subtle background of fruit. Exotic fruits! MANGO! PASSIONFRUIT! A bit sickly. Agree with passion fruit but killed by cream.

There is a whiff of recently prepared surgical tools but also a floral fruitiness with pineapple, apple (granny Smith to be precise!), cherry pie, lemon (rudely shouted at that) and bluebells feed to a halibut?!

Woody, cheesy with Jalapenos and a coastal sea air wafting in bringing metallic iron to an empty hipflash.

On the finish - a resonance of smoke rings (stolen from another) and a coal shuttle but also a contrasting freshness of fir, caraway, heather and mint. The taste lingers but not as much as you might expect.

Pop this under yo schnozzer and it's immediately festival time, one where you hang around by the sea, breathe in the coastal air, have a BBQ with some seagulls and get beaten to death by a peat fire!

A new wooden snare (the excitement of Hamish receiving a new snare; imagine winning it for £1 on ebay!), WHISKY! burnt sugar, Omar Sharif, stewed cherries, Jack Spaniels, orange blossom & mahogany.

Imagine you've successfully crossed a bee with a dragon and this creature produces large quantities of honey and also breathes fire. Any given day you have a 50:50 probability of being burnt or grabbing some of the honey he's produced.

But, oh no! What's this? It's only Inappropriate Culturally-mis-matching Pudding Man! "I see you're enjoying a nice Japanese bath! Here, have some crème caramel and Christmas pudding, you idiot!". He then faded into the steamy evening, with only the slowly receding clip-clop...

The tastes on the finish mostly strayed towards the savoury end of the palate, with mild chili pepper, cinnamon, taco spice, salted peanuts and sun-dried tomatoes. Sherbert and melon came along to the party in the mouth, but no one could remember if they were invited - they ...

There are memories of the Jorvik Museum, nasty sea water, damp swamps, a used griddle and dunking your head in the river – we all hold those dear.

A rich, earthy flavour with the windswept reminiscence of moorland walks with a grouse. The breeze brings thoughts of seasalt, lavender and highland pastures; a blade of grass clenched between milk teeth.

That creaminess gives way to a wee spiciness expressed by chili, chili jam and cloves whilst a fruity stalker creeps in butt-naked, coated in elderflower cordial, raisins and grapes (to hide any embarrassment).

It's the snack counter at York's famous cinema conversion project - as we pass the fire-hardened 13th century oak door we move on to the mixture of sweet and salty popcorn.

Banana foams give us a link from fruit to toffee, with coconut and tree sap watching from the sidelines. Flying saucers too (presumably the sweets?), but also a touch of bleach and Glacier Mints - a mixed bag!

There's more bite on the mouth than on the nose, with sea salt, peat, kippers and a medicinal impact all featuring. There are still fruity vibes though, mainly lime, strawberry and vanilla and a sweetness comes through with syrup and thoughts of a heather meadow.

Then chili, cloves and lots of wasabi hit with some salt (from the South China Sea as well as good ol' rocks) and salted whale blubber (for research purposes only) as well as the feeling of internal public space.

Watch me drizzle honey all over my lemon, as I slowly unpeel my banana and undress this orange with my teeth. Take a freshly fucked pineapple and cocoNuts and voila – it’s a Penis Colada.

We seemed to agree on a hot / sweet flavours here – honey petals (?), spicy cayenne, raisins & bananas, breakfast Weetabix, tart tatin, and deception.

We seemed to agree on a hot / sweet flavours here – honey petals (?), spicy cayenne, raisins & bananas, breakfast Weetabix, tart tatin, and deception.

I don't know what 'distilled grass' is, but if it were a real thing, it would smell like this - but also haggis.

We're saying medium, but on the short side like Steffi Graf serving on a 15 mile tennis court. It's spicy or maybe popping candy as it dissipates, the sweetness of marshmallows sneaking in towards the end.

The sweetness on the nose came back to haunt us like a J-horror spirit-child slipping on honey and falling head first into a banoffee pie (in a scary way).

There’s also a subtle earthiness with moss, hay and apple wood (the wood not the cheese)…not sure if I should mention “the blood soaked teddy on a damp fire place�...maybe he meant iron and damp earth?

Apricots are squabbling with the ripe bananas while the fruit salad looks on in horror at the remains of the raspberry dripping off the blades of a blender. You can almost literally smell the unmistakable smell of the brains of one of the Californian raisins from the adverts...

Before battle, the two teams feast on sweet treats of honey, Cointreau, honeycomb, molasses and Crunchie bars. Once the fighting is over, the wounds are carefully washed with a little rose water and patched up with some plasters... who knows who the victor was, it's a fictio...

With the first taste the sea rushes up and smacks you in the palate, bam! The salty taste is like a cheeky lick of a dolphin or a freshly landed Arbroath Smokie.

A Hungarian walks out of a smokey yurt having eaten a goulash (peppery and paprika), through the mossy earth and plunges into a dodgy lagoon full of snakes and crabs

Unripe stewed rhubarb, post-cocaine back-nose dribble (hints of), rosewater, sweet fresh oak, a distant chemical toilet, feijoa (A made-up fruit from NZ)..

Like a giant cupcake decoration thrown together by your boozy gran, there was a smorgasboard of sweet things on the nose. We found pink marshmallows smothered in treacle next to chunks of pineapple coated in marzipan!

The length seems somewhat hard to pin down, somewhere between being inside the 6-yard box to lost in the opposition half - most agree it's medium. The aftertaste brings a fair bit of salt, with much more fruit than before: melon, sour apples, lemon and aniseed.

When a whisky is described as 'nail varnish and farty figs', 'goaty' 'cream candy (co)ca(i)ne' and 'expelled air from a bouncy castle', you know it's at least interesting. Oh, and 'figgy piggy' / 'hamnanas & rumtanas' on the taste. Intriguing..

A really intriguing taste with exotic origins: onion bhajis with yoghurt dip, lemon rind, Eat Me dates (the hottest kind..?), cardamom, cheesy curry. Then things got a bit sweeter to nicely balance the exotica - pineapple juice (and Hamish's terrible joke...now forgotten), p...

We seem to have got pretty brand-focused smelling this, think we sent our corporate wing over by mistake: good varnish (like Ronseal), polycement, dried coriander, rubbish Turps, metal, Toffiffees, Chewits, OWLS, Playdough.

In a mad combo of food, emotions, sacrificial techniques and poor fire control, it was also described as: smoked cheese, emptiness, immolation, oversmoked and citrus toast.

McNulty from The Wire's guilt and the salt of the sweat of the Taoiseach before a general election. And finishing the whole thing of are perhaps the less-desirable flavours of melted plastic, yellow snow and oil.