It had a very subtle nose, enough to make me note "not much". But what was there was lemony, contrasted by a musty, old cupboard thing. But it was one of those that went from nothing on the nose, to quite a lot in the mouth: lemon ajax and bonfire toffee were the first to h...

It was still aligned with normality when strawberry Starburst and buttery were observed (or obnosed), but then we got a bit abstract: an isolated pond, 'quite sorry like campers' (?), a man peeing on a night out ("Sheila 2014") and deep-fried pig rectum (!)..

Sweetness came in in the form of a Flake, some fudge, a donut and a dank, old cupboard in a hospital. Actually, scatch that last one…

The smell initially had a slight burn to it and a faintness. But over time, that faintness was replaced (literally, I crossed out the word) with a classic Lowland freshness (described by my tasting partner as 'sunlight') and some things from more exotic climes: Chinese must...

'Touch Tackie!' - If I recall correctly, it was the hazy summer of 1996 when Brandy released her worldwide smash, Toffifee & Milo. Well, actually it wasn't, was it? But we did indeed get 'brandy' with those two.

From nose to mouth, this is a kind of surf ‘n’ turf – some initial seaside aromas (old seaweed, scallops) followed by a kind of sweet & sour pork thing in the mouth. There’s a consistent sweetness before the finish, starting off as fudgey and sherbet dib dabs with the dib d...

"I'm going to say lavender flavoured". *silence* ..then.. "what did you say? What the fuck did you say?". From another reviewer: "no way." Talk of it smelling like a Jalfrezi was laughed away (as intended), but a suggestion that it was like "old woman-y perfume" wasn't (as i...

Oranges, orange rind, pith..."What a pithy comment" - Phil (no one laughs). "Says a guy who chases his whisky with milk" - Christina (people laugh). "Another pithy comment!" - Ali L (reaction unrecorded).

Nettles grow from cracks in the floor and through a broken window you can almost taste the pine trees and distant rock pools blown into the happy gathering. A small child has grazed her knee and while she blubs and munches liquorice and burnt candy a nurse applies TCP to the...

Quite light... "it's not an unpleasant thing to put in your mouth though, right?". [bagpipes are drowning us out...] Phil describes bagpipes as "an audible version of a headache". Ooga booga booga!

Watch me drizzle honey all over my lemon, as I slowly unpeel my banana and undress this orange with my teeth. Take a freshly fucked pineapple and cocoNuts and voila – it’s a Penis Colada.